My Forty Sixth Week as a Budding Author

Writing’s hard, I’ll make no bones about that. The act of sitting in front of some electronic gadgetry and distilling the thought process into electronic bits actually takes some doing. When I tell people that I’m spending the year attempting to write a book, I often hear the “Oh! I’d love to do that” retort. But would they? Admittedly writers are not required to clock in at nine and toddle off home at five pm. They don’t have to queue for coffee machine or write a business case for entry into the stationery cupboard. There is a degree of flexibility. But the grass is never greener on the other side as they are required to sit down and write.

Sometimes this is difficult.

I was sent an excellent piece by Andy Kirkpatrick [This isn't it but gives a flavour], a climbing writer, who writes with heaps of good advice for those resisting the temptation of authorship. I read it all and have nicked a few of his ideas but it has made me sit back and look inward at my own approach and I’ve quickly realised that I am at the mercy of a mysterious spirit who governs my writing productivity. In order to exhibit this I’ll let you into a typical Dave writing session, it goes something like this:-

Firstly, I sit down at the desk, switch on the computer and fire up the word processor, determined to hammer out several thousand words. I’ll confidently type the chapter title and lean back in my chair, pleased with progress to date. Then I’ll save the document to the hard disk and prepare for a deluge of words. They won’t come, so I tidy the desk a bit more and sharpen a pencil instead, who knows why? It’s some sort of psychological effort to get me into the zone. In the absence of words, I’ll reformat the title changing it to bold or a different font, then it’s off to Twitter/Facebook/Google or Angry Birds for a bit of inspiration.

The verbal constipation will often continue for a while. A cup of tea provides a welcome distraction as does spilling it all over my desk and clearing it up with post-its. Looking out of the window occupies a few more seconds followed by some further desk rearrangement and chair height adjustment. I check my mobile phone, but no new texts have arrived, there are a few more tweets to read but they are all about coffee, illness or another pointless, inane blog entry (usually mine). An inner voice shouts at me to return to the document, so I reformat the title again and save the document just in case.

This can go on for hours with words per minute measured in small fractions until suddenly he appears, Doppleganger Dave, my productive literary double. He’s a sneaky bugger as well, I cannot summon him to order, he just turns up. I’m forced to the back of my conscious mind as Mr Doppleganger elbows his way in and takes over. While I sit in a synaptic reception he takes control of my fingers and thraps out several thousand words into the computer. Exhausted, he departs and I regain control of my conscious mind and survey the wordfest he’s left behind.

Sometimes I have no idea where it came from, I can see what he was thinking but would love to replicate the chain of thought that led him there, but I can’t as he’s buggered off for a cup of tea. Occasionally the words make sense and I’m pretty sure he’s been nicking my ideas. Once he’d simply written a shopping list consisting entirely of bike parts and I felt obliged to purchase them as he’d written them so nicely in a neat little list.

There’s a problem though, this Dave is only available for a few hours each day. When he’s not there progress is glacial and I’m forced to focus on other tasks. I’d love to be a word factory, but I’m not. I’ve read through some of the “forced” writing that I’ve tried and it’s bilge. Out of Dave and Doppleganger Dave, Doppleganger’s the best writer by far and I’ll be needing his services to get to the end of the book. This revelation leads to a number of conclusions that I’m happy to state. Firstly, a career as a professional author does not await. I’m productive in fits and starts and simply cannot focus on writing as a full time job. I’m the luckiest bloke on the planet to have been given this year, but a year is all it will be. The next writing project will be a hobby rather than a vocation and will probably take me ten. Then I have to look at the stuff I can write, and the truth is I think it is limited to personal experience, so novels, short stories, biographies and encyclopedias are out of the question. Doppleganger Dave is crap at them as well.

Therefore, I’ve got the 2012 planner out and come up with a plan. It basically involves getting the book finished by April 2012 ready for publication then deciding exactly how I am going to do that. Simplistically there are two routes; self publication or approach a number of publishers and see if any of them bite. I took route two tentatively early this year and gained a lot of useful feedback. Most of this was around personal hygiene and dress sense, but it was mooted that the book could have commercial appeal and there would certainly be interest. The main problem for me is commission. It was a real eye opener to understand the kind of rates we’re talking about. Think of a number close to 100% on one side and a fraction of it on the other and guess which side applies to you?

My cunning plan is to rock up at their door with a finished product which I believe is unusual. Most authors are wizards with the word processor but leave layout and design to their publisher. I’ve put a lot of effort into researching competing offerings and working out the size, shape, layout and content I need to make mine stand out. However, German measles stands out as well, so this may not necessarily be a good thing. But it is a useful time filler for the hours that while away whilst Doppleganger Dave is out drinking with his mates.

Self publication has its own issues. Mainly the fact that the word “self” applies to financing as well. I will have to bear the costs of printing, marketing, sales and distribution myself. Which comes with the “How many copies can I shift” gamble along with who shall I shift them to and how shall I tell them that I would like them to act as shiftees? Therefore, I’ll explore option one whilst keeping the door of option two firmly open in the instance of rejection or failed negotiations.

Up above I said “a number of conclusions”, so here’s another one. I need to develop some revenue streams that don’t rely on books. This is countered by conclusion number three, no way am I ever getting a job again. Luckily opportunity presents itself to he who waits and as the year heads to a close I find myself involved in a number of discussions that all involve making a living whilst not wearing a tie. This week has been particularly frantic as I’ve had meetings concerning wedding napkins, railways, communities of welsh people, quirky things, pickled hedgehogs and Devon based falling down houses (every one is true). None, some or all of these may turn into opportunities but it’s nice that they’re there and hopefully there’ll be something for me to do that earns money.

I’ve also been thinking about this blog. I’ve really enjoyed writing it and am determined to see it to week 52. However, beyond that we’ll see..and this isn’t attention seeking, it’s just that there’s so much going on I can’t commit to writing some bollocks every week. I’ll not stop writing bollocks though, that’s a guarantee. The bollocks quota shall continue, but at a slightly reduced level into 2012.

I hope you don’t mind me spouting about my week of reflection. Next week I’m going flying, so normal service shall be resumed as I’m sure there will be some aerobatic based mishap worthy of a laugh. Helen should know better than to buy “Mr Obsessive” a flying lesson for his birthday.

Dave

18th November 2011